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Sex and the Single Guy . . . with MS October 30, 2011

Posted by manonamsion in Uncategorized.
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I recently received an e-mail from MS Mingle, a single European guy with MS, asking if he could guest blog here at Man on a MSion about life as a single guy with MS who isn’t letting MS slow him down.  As you know, the Man on a MSion is a middle aged, happily married guy with a couple of kids, and I’ve never faced the dating scene with MS.  I agreed that some perspective from MS Mingle would be of interest, so without further ado, here’s what MS Mingle would like to share.  (By the way, MS Mingle has his own blog – for those of you who speak Dutch!)

Dating science meets multiple sclerosis
 
As you know Man on a MSion is happily married. Not all men have had that luck, yet. For starters myself, I am a single guy and was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis about a year ago. As you might imagine, having MS doesn’t really benefit your love life. But it could. It turns out that improving your chances with the opposite sex, also heals your MS.
 
Whether you want to improve your chances in romance or stop your MS from progressing, you will have to dedicate yourself to a healthy lifestyle (physically and mentally): eat healthy, exercise and rest and/or  meditate. My biggest challenge was to deal with the anxiety that comes with MS. Thoughts constantly ran through my head. Thoughts like ‘will the diet work’ and ‘am I having an attack right now’, and to stay on topic: will MS affect my chances of having a girlfriend? 
 
And this is where dating science and doctor Jelinek’s knowledge converge. Jelinek states that when you want to overcome MS you should amongst others ‘commit to an ongoing process of exploring and resolving emotional and spiritual ‘dis-ease’ and resolving unfinished business’. This process is what dating science calls working on one’s inner game. The term stands for the continuing ability to feel self secure, non needy and at ease with yourself. And I feel this is the key to both beating MS and improving your dating life as you go.
 
I finally covered my inner game after nine months on the Jelinek diet. It was when I realized that the diet wasn’t just some unproven treatment like my neurologist said, but that it had actually started to take effect. I noticed that my periodical attacks remained absent, which really made me feel reassured: my efforts had paid of. This feeling took the heat of  having MS. And allowed me feel assured in my dealings with women.
 
As I stated at the beginning of my post, having MS could be beneficial to you love life. If you decide to start eating ultra healthy, exercise and take your rest, your chances with women will improve dramatically. Beating MS changes your outlook on life to a positive one, and the diet and exercise will have a positive effect on your physique. You will become a fit guy who is totally at ease with himself. And you don’t have to know dating science in order to understand what effect that will have on women.
 
MS Mingle is a 28 years old man from the Netherlands with relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis. He blogs about his dating life and multiple sclerosis.

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1. Sex and the Single Guy . . . with MS « msmingle - October 31, 2011

[…] aged, happily married guy with a couple of kids, and I’ve never faced the dating scene with MS. Lees het hele bericht bij Man on a MSion. Share this:TwitterFacebookLinkedInE-mailRedditPrintStumbleUponDiggVind ik leuk:LikeWees de eerste […]

2. Michelle Walter - November 1, 2011

i love this article…. i relate to so much of what he said… just beautiful and comforting to read.. It is hard having to make such a big lifestyle change and I find anxiety has been difficult too… but luckily for me I have remained healthy since 2007 so 4 years and no major relapse… so great to hear the male perspective.
it does effect my feelings about dating however.. I get worried that people will freak out (actually sometimes they do!).
Thanks for sharing
love michelle

3. m+ve - November 1, 2011

I agree with your general message Mingle. Although I’m not so convinced about my attractiveness now that I’m super healthy and fit. That has made me skinny too, which may not be such a turn-on. But an inner glow is the magic, and even if not the most gorgeous hunk, we must be more magnetic just for being better than we were and now being on the up&up.

Being self secure and non needy is a big goal. And of course it is those who feel most down, most question themselves, that most need to engineer that mind state change. I think that a good start is to shun the word and concept of “disease, and think of MS as just a condition. Just another one to take its place amongst the many things we adapt ourselves to.

4. Julie-Anne - November 1, 2011

As a once single person with MS I had a dreadful time with the dating scene. I quickly discovered there is never a good time to tell someone you have an incurable disease, in fact I stopped telling men that I had MS, it was none of their business anyway.

I remember 2 men that I had dated (not at the same time) for a while and had decided to reveal my infliction. And on both occasions I received disgraceful emails from them.
The first man thanked me for wasting his time. He could talk, at 40 he’d had a stroke and was actually a walking time bomb.

The second guy basically said thanks but we have no future as you have this dreadful unpredictable disease – this coming from a former Catholic Principal who had a heart condition (and he had the gall to send this using his work email).

Everything had been going fine with both this men, however when push came to shove and I wanted openness and honesty, they didn’t cut it. They had no inkling there was anything wrong with me in the early stages of dating, but how quickly there judgement of me changed when I revealed that I wasn’t perfect.

So they were looking for a perfect nurse maid to take care of them and their medical conditions.

You learn very quickly how to deal with rejection and you learn very quickly that life is a journey regardless of whether you have an incurable disease or not. It’s a road filled with many potholes, u-turns and bends. And when you trip or get stuck, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again (there’s a song in that!!)

After many many rejections, I have found peace and happiness (7 years after diagnosis) with a man who didn’t cast judgement on me. He accepted me warts and all and I him warts and all.

As I said there’s never a good time to tell someone you have an incurable disease, it how you deliver the message that is important. With the man I am with now he opened the conversation up with “you are so perfect I’m waiting for the cracks to appear, but you are so perfect”, and that readers led me down the path (I dreaded) and I very non-chalantly (hope that’s how you spell it) told him my story.

And that is history, we’ve together now since March 2010, and he’s still here. In fact, MS never comes up in conversation because he sees that I’m fit and well and hold down a good job. I’m up at 5 and home at 6.30pm, its a long day – I’m normal!

5. Laini - November 1, 2011

You are so right! I am a married, 5yrs dx, and feel so good about myself because I Swank/ Jellinik. I went to n MS support group mtg soon after dx and was appalled at the obesity, sad stories and self pity…not one of ten or so people had anything good to say about what they ate or how they exercised…I never went back! Blessings to you, keep on Swanking/Jelliniking and dating!!!

6. Humaira Latif - November 5, 2011

Great read! As you are Dutch- als ik vragen mag- do you inject any interferon as well? I have been injecting Rebif since 3 years and I’m really tired of it. I work 3 days as university lecturer as I’m not one to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs. The rest of the week I’m at home bearing the side-effects and continuing with life. Hence, my burning question, are you being healthy and fit by following an MS diet and fitness? I do go for special fitness myself for an hour once a week.

manonamsion - November 5, 2011

I believe that my guest blogger does not use any of the MS drugs. As I’ve mentioned before, I actually do use Copaxone. Unlike the interferon drugs, Copaxone does not have any serious side effects – I can’t imagine feeling like I have the flu a few times a week – that would make me feel like a sick person! While I have to take a shot each day, it is one minute out of my day, a little irritation at the injection site, and I’m on my way. Additionally, recent studies have suggested long term negatives associated with the interferon drugs and long term positives associated with Copaxone. I plan to write a blog entry on that soon.

Be well,
M.

Humaira Latif - November 6, 2011

Thanks a bunch for your thoughtful, detailed reply which helped me in understanding about the use of Copaxone which my neurologist is saying now. Another fellow MS blogger, Ms. Hoover had very rightly recommended this website to me. Could I please pose another question to you- Being a mum of 2 children, I work as lecturer 3 days weekly. Is Copaxone safe to use then, regarding its minimal side-effects? I inject in the evening . Hence, with injecting daily, I can function normally? Thanks & cheers.

ms_mingle - November 9, 2011

Hi there, no I do not take any drugs. After I was preliminary diagnosed I started with the Jelinek diet immediately. When the question came up whether or not to take medication, I was already two months on my way with the diet. Having read about the (lack of) effectiveness of the various MS medication, and after my ‘medication talk’ with the MS nurse I decided to take my chances with the diet. And this has turned out very well. As for the fitness, after 9 months on the diet I can run 10 km straight again with no symptoms occurring.

If you have any more questions, just drop me a line.

Groeten,
MS Mingle

7. MMB - November 6, 2011

Single woman here, diagnosed about a year ago. Dating has been tricky to navigate. RRMS & have had no flares since commiting to Overcoming MS & the Jelinek program (I’ve also eliminated gluten & legumes and am on Rebif). I’m much less inclined to waste my time in any capacity, and that is, strangely, it’s own obstacle (the men I’ve met online dating have been liars and bores). But people who don’t know the story tell me I look great, and I have a great new job & new place to live, so I’m focusing on hope, positive changes and taking good care of myself. Encouragement on the dating front is appreciated. And up next, I guess – tackling the “inner game.” All the best to us both!

8. Paula - November 8, 2011

Hi. I also teach at a university (2.5 days a week), have been using copaxone for 2 years and it has no impact on my daily life or work. The injection is just part of the daily routine and I hardly give it any thought. The area where I inject does become a little tender, but this disappears quite quickly, and my thighs are a bit bumpy from the injections, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling self secure and at ease with myself. I also live the healthy OMS lifestyle. All the best. Paula

9. Tips for Healthy Aging - November 25, 2011

[…] .diggclick { float: left; padding: 3px 5px 5px 5px; } .diggclick a img { border: none; } Healthy Living —Man on a MSion […]


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